If you were expecting to get another entry of Alexandra’s blog, Behind the Books, you’re in the wrong place. Because today, you get something much better. Drumroll, please—you’ve just started reading the very first edition of Zooey’s Corner! It’s that special time when I take over Alexandra’s blog and unleash a dose of feline wisdom on all of you lucky humans.

It’s me, Zooey: Alexandra’s cat/mascot/supreme overlord. Just kidding on that last part… or am I? (If you’ve ever known a cat, you’ve probably witnessed the focused stare that makes you feel like the cat is planning on reading your mind, bursting you into flames, or eating you. Well, pretend I’m looking at you like that right now. Right through this computer screen. *Glares penetratingly*)

Oh, I almost forgot… I promised Alexandra that I’d include a reader comment before I get started.

Micki said: Hello, again, and great post! Since we actually share all of the same pets (I’m actually Alexandra’s sister!), I have very similar preferences! However, out of loyalty to our beloved furry/scaly/slimy friends, I couldn’t possibly choose a favorite- they are all too cute!

Ooooh, bad move, Micki. You were supposed to say me. I suggest sleeping with one eye open tonight… I’m going to pounce on your toes when you least expect it. Maybe that will remind you to give the right answer next time.

Now, back to me. Where should I start? There’s so many wonderful things to say about myself. I can assume that you all know who I am—after all, my picture is all over Alexandra’s website. And if you’ve been keeping up with her Twitter and YouTube accounts, you’ve seen my occasional take-overs. (I even hosted a tour of her house one of her videos.) You’re welcome for that. I love Alexandra, of course, and she’s a good writer—especially when she’s writing about me—but she is still a human, after all. She can’t help being less interesting than me. We can’t all be this awesome!

But I’m getting distracted from what you really want to hear about: me.

Some call me a cute little kitty; others say I’m a menace to society. A few have accused me of being an alien from outer space, like one of Alexandra’s favorite Disney characters, Stitch. (I will neither confirm nor deny that, by the way.) When I’m not keeping an eye on my domain from the top of my cat tree or plotting world domination, I can be found lurking in the shadows, napping in a sunny spot, persuading Alexandra to pet me instead of doing whatever she (falsely) claims is more important, or staring at someone out of the corner of my eye… just enough to unnerve them before I look away. This morning, I had a battle with my brother, Sammy, who foolishly decided that he wanted to sit on my cat tree. I always win… unless I forget what I was doing and end up grooming my tail instead. That tail requires a lot of attention. It’s not easy to keep the white tip so pointy! And sometimes it seems to twitch around without my permission, which can be mesmerizing… Oooh, it’s doing it now… *Shakes head* Never mind.

I just heard Alexandra coming into the room. I’d better wrap this up—working the keyboard with furry paws is a slow process, and she’s going to need her laptop back. So I’ll leave you with a helpful hint. When a cat sits in your lap, don’t get up. Ask another human to bring you a book or something, because you’ve got to stay there until the cat decides to leave—not the other way around. That’s the first rule of the Cat Code. What, you’ve never heard of the Code? You humans know even less than I thought! I’m going to have my work cut out for me. But I’ll save that for later. Oh, and aren’t I supposed to ask a question? Okay: do any cats consider you to be their human? (Or as humans would put it, do you have any cats?) Let me know in the comments. Alexandra would usually end by saying “thanks for reading”… but really, shouldn’t you be thanking me? So you’re welcome, instead!

~Zooey